Men are creatures of habit. They do and think a lot alike and may not even talk with other guys about these similarities. Men also do a lot of things that they’d never admit, which some of these things we all can relate to as men. Yes, we are creatures of habit and instinct, molded by society and driven by testosterone.
We must start with public restrooms when discussing things that all men do. When a man walks into a public restroom, he mentally notes who and how many people are in the bathroom. There’s an unwritten rule of which urinal to take, and every man’s brain turns into a supercomputer the moment the decision has to be made. A man’s brain pulls in every minuscule detail to help determine which urinal to go to.
If urinal 1 is taken, use urinal 3 or 4. If urinal 2 is taken, use urinal 4. If 3 is taken, use urinal 1. If urinal 4 is taken, use urinal 1 or 2. If urinals 1 and 2 are taken, use urinal 4. If urinals 2 and 3 are taken, piss in the sink (not really, but it’s a thought). Further, men will optimally leave an odd number of urinals vacant between themselves and others to maximize the usable urinals if others enter the restroom. Leaving two open makes both usable until one of the men goes, which is the equivalent of parking a car in two adjacent parking spots.
Also, when men walk into a public restroom to take a piss, he evaluates how much piss he has. If people are in the restroom, and he knows he isn’t going to pee that much, he’ll purposefully miss the water with his pee because he’ll feel self-conscious about the quiet dribble. If he has a bladder full, he’ll blast that water like a firehose to show his dominance.
Men will also panic if they are next to someone at the urinal and can’t pee. Stage fright!? He doesn’t want to stand there with Big Al in his hand, so he wishes something would come out quick because he’s worried that the guy next to him is going to think something’s wrong – like he didn’t really need to go and wants to be a pee-watching perverted creep. He may give up, accept pee defeat, and walk away, hoping no one noticed.
Now that we have that bathroom talk out of the way, the next thing that a lot of men do alike is the ‘sup’ head nod to those they don’t know or even who they do know. Men do this nod when they see each other at sporting events, stores, and more. It’s that quick and short nod either up or down, with the up being more casual and friendly and the down being more formal and respectful. It’s done as an acknowledgment or greeting when passing strangers or friends. It’s the modern equivalent of tipping your hat as you pass someone, acknowledging them without talking.
Speaking of not talking, when a man says he’s thinking of nothing, it may be nothing. But, it may be nothing of significance or nothing worth mentioning. Or, he’s thinking of sex. Now, men may really be thinking of nothing, so when asked, “What are you thinking of?” a man’s honest answer may be, “Nothing.” They may honestly have had no thought going through their minds until then. They may have been existing and enjoying not having to do anything for the last 10-60 minutes.
Women don’t know what it’s like to think of nothing. According to Mark Gungor, men have boxes for everything in their brain, including a ‘nothing box.’ He humorously describes how men’s compartmentalized brains differ from women’s brains where everything is connected. Women can think of more than one thing at a time, whereas men typically think of one thing at a time (which includes the nothing box). Sure, the brain is still doing its thing, but that’s all during a ‘nothing’ time.
Next up is when men doze off. Whenever men start falling asleep, and someone calls them out on it, their first instinct is to deny it. Men doze off on the couch, and when asked, “Are you sleeping?” the response is, “I’m awake!” Men can be so stubborn about not admitting to falling asleep – perhaps they feel like they’ve done something wrong, feel vulnerable at the moment, or even embarrassed that they fell asleep. It’s a strange phenomenon because they don’t mind admitting it once awake and don’t feel others are wrong for dozing off.
Men always act like they’re the toughest breed in the world, no matter what life throws at them. They think they can take it, being strong and undefeatable. Think about your Uncle Carmine, the epitome of the tough guy. He tells war stories, brags about his scars, and always tries to prove his strength by lifting heavy stuff. He’ll even go so far as to grab your cousin by his nuts and lift him over his head. Some men are wired this way.
Society has ingrained this thinking in men — that not acting tough shows he’s weak. How many movies can you name where the lead male protagonist is timid and weak? Probably very few. Conversely, how many movies can you think of where the lead male protagonist is super pumped, seemingly immune to pain, and can beat up 20 guys while taking down an entire crime organization by himself? A ton, right? Hollywood loves to typecast actors like The Rock, Denzel Washington, Liam Neilson, Keanu Reeves, and more. Think about the type of character they all play – the same angry dude that runs around beating up people and shooting everyone in their path. These dudes act as protectors against the weak.
Men are often not the ones to show vulnerability or emotions. This would make a guy seem weak or insecure. Plus, many guys admit they don’t care about being perceived as happy or sad. They want to be perceived as masculine. And for many guys, being open about their feelings hasn’t gone well with women. They feel women don’t know what to do with them if they show weaknesses like self-doubt and difficulty being confident in scenarios. Men conclude that women want stronger men who can weather the storm even if men are internally miserable. This thought process is flawed, gentlemen.
Showing vulnerability is not an all-or-nothing proposition. Showing vulnerability is essential, but you don’t have to completely hide all emotions or let your deepest pains and fears be known. Extremes are not optimal. So men desperately need to talk about their issues but are too scared to do so because they feel they don’t have anyone they can open up to. They end up bottling shit up inside, which can tear them apart.
After bottling up emotions for so long, going overboard in a safe setting may happen due to not being used to talking about feelings and being vulnerable. Bottling up emotions can also add to the pain, so thinking clearly about engaging may be hindered. The bottom line, men bottle up emotions and don’t show vulnerability. Bad move!
These are just a few (and some amusing) things men do that I’m pretty sure most men do. I have so much more that I could address, but they all revolve around Big Al and the Twins. For instance, if it’s hot outside, and you see a guy do some wacky dance, they are just unsticking their balls. Another is the good old pinch-and-roll technique. Pee shivers are another. And if our balls are itchy, we rely on clever little pinches to the nutsack rather than scratching them. We’ll save these and more for another time. Until then, keep on doing manly things … you can admit to them!