Isolation. Men tend to become more isolated and lonelier as they get older. After a certain point, they don’t make an effort to gain friendships and tend to shy away from any type of social engagement. Many men don’t have close male friends, at least one they can talk to about what’s going on with them personally. Also, many men become less and less engaged with their friends as the years pass.
In your mid-20s, creeping into isolation can be easy, as making social connections is difficult. Still, if you’re working, it’s doubly difficult. Then if you’re working remotely, it’s triply difficult. If you’re not actively employed or in school, that’s a whole other challenging friend-making situation. Finding places to hang out and create friendships can feel overwhelming.
To make matters worse, a connection will often only be fostered or maintained if you do the reaching out. In an ideal situation, you’d be the one to reach out half the time, and then the other half, someone reaches out to you. If you feel like the only one reaching out, uou may get discouraged or demotivated, causing a connection to fizzle out, leading to isolation.
This phenomenon is also apparent in online dating. The man starts the conversation and plans the date practically every single time. Conversations just don’t happen if the man doesn’t keep up the conversation. Sure, this is a generalization and doesn’t apply to every scenario, but it’s a common experience.
Whether with male friends or with dating, you may get exhausted from initiating connections. Still, you have to get out of your comfort zone from time to time to break out of isolation. Convenient friendships are what many people want. They don’t want to put in the time and effort to grow friendships and expect the other person to do all the work. You can certainly have fun and happiness without them in your life. Make some new friendships that are mutually beneficial and satisfying.
Men used to be better at making friendships than they are, with conversation and networking becoming a lost art. We are all glued to our phones. If you’re the one who is good at initiating friendships and making plans, the result could be a double-edged sword for you. You may feel rewarded, but you also may feel burdened. You, the initiator, must also have good self-esteem because people tend to flake out a lot on plans due to routines and stale comforts. Their lack of reciprocity is not a rejection of you as a person … as a man.
So, I digress. We all need to work on ourselves to reverse this trend of men being more isolated and lonely. Socialize with new people whenever you get a chance. Every moment when you are out and about, take as an opportunity to small talk, strike up conversations, invite new relationships, and nurture old relationships.
Learn about what it means to be sociable. Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friend and Influence People“ is a book that has stood the test of time (complete with 1930s tone and slang) and is a read for everyone — including those who need to start learning to be sociable. When it was written, face-to-face interpersonal skills were more highly developed than in our era of computers, video games, cubicle jobs, and individuals’ increasing isolation (desocialization) in our society.
While much of his advice may seem like common sense (or even stuff I have covered for years in my videos), this type of common sense is sadly lacking, whether in the personal or professional world. For instance, he says to have people like you, be genuinely interested in others, smile, remember people’s names, be a good listener, talk about others’ interests, and make the other person feel sincerely important.
Being able to create and foster friendships easily boils down to:
- Becoming interested in other people is critical because you will make more friends compared to having others interested in you.
- Smiling in a heartwarming way brightens the lives of those who see it.
- Recalling someone’s name is the most coveted, most important sound in any language.
- Being a good listener and encouraging those to talk about themselves is vital to socializing, as people are more interested in talking about themselves than others.
- More specifically, talking in terms of the other person’s interests is crucial.
- And the deepest urge in human nature is to feel important, so sincerely making another person feel important is profound.
Some people are born with the gift of being extremely likable, while others have to learn and practice. Some people like others with all of their goodness and baggage. Once they make friends, they tend to keep them without expectation, resentment, or trying to change them. Whether or not you were born with this gift, you can learn to be likable, appreciate others as they are, and create new and meaningful friendships. Steps as simple as smiling and making the other person feel important can accomplish this.
These points are all solid, and I have covered them in past videos. But when it comes to the real task at hand, finding new friends and initiating conversations, I have found that it is very easy to bond over shared activities. Think about what you would like to do with your friends and what you want your friends to be like.
Now, get out there and do it! Let’s flip the trend of isolation and loneliness going forward for healthier and more fulfilled lives far into the future. Work out that social muscle, gentlemen!
