Do men experience pretty privileges like women do? Yes, but it’s different for men. Generally, society emphasizes women’s value by their attractiveness, while this same standard does not apply to men. Attractive women are treated exponentially better than women who aren’t; however, for men, the difference is not that drastic.
I have witnessed this (I’m calling it ‘handsome privilege’ for this newsletter) firsthand at different places around town. I was at a restaurant the other night, seated near the bar. An average to no so attractive guy approached a couple of women to politely speak with them while he ordered his drink. One of the women directly asked him if he thought he had a chance, calling him a ‘creep’ at the end. Later, a different guy went over to the same women – this guy was your traditionally handsome looking guy (and fit), and the women were very friendly to him. He didn’t even have to initiate the conversation.
On another day, I was working from a table in one of the local coffee shops when a guy with a dad bod and not-so-stylish clothing came in for water. The female barista charged him. Later, a fit, tall, and handsome guy came in, also asking for water. The same barista gave it to him with no charge.
So, yes, guys most certainly experience handsome privilege, but not in the same way girls do. Attractive men are more likely to be approached by women over unattractive men. Women also receive attractive men in a friendly and open manner. Attractive men are also more likely to get promotions at work as they are perceived as more competent and trustworthy. They reap the benefits of handsome privilege.
For men, this privilege may not result in material or superficial things, but the privilege will make life easier. Others believe the attractive man more easily and may give respect upon first look. This privilege is powerful. Men can have doors open to lifelong benefits that far exceed what women can achieve with their privilege.
Now, this attractiveness is not just about a handsome face. It’s also about how a man presents himself. Personality flaws are lessened, and strengths are increased if a man is deemed attractive, although this effect tends to fade the longer someone knows him or with age.
Being nervous and considered unattractive can make women think a man is a weirdo. On the other hand, being nervous and considered attractive can make women think a man is awkward but cute and endearing. Nervousness, shyness, and social anxiety can have negative effects on body language in a very un-sexy way.
Confidence has a great deal with how one is perceived as well. Even without conventional good looks, if a man is confident, success can/will follow. People will let little things slide when a man displays confident friendliness and affability. I have witnessed firsthand how confidence works to a man’s benefit.
Men who are not necessarily attractive but are confident can get handsome privileges. They turn on the charm, smile, and are good storytellers. This confidence can help in every aspect of a man’s life, from a job to personal relationships. I have a friend who wasn’t the most skilled applicant, but he got the job because he is enjoyable to be around (that intangible is so valuable).
Being unstylish may even be excused if a man is attractive. Attractive men who are unstylish may not be deemed as unfashionable. They get a pass. But, even if a man is not particularly handsome, a suit can be a superpower. Men who wear a tailored, well-fitting suit can be way more forward, and you can observe the dreamy look in women’s eyes. Even when dressed casually but still with intention and purpose, men will get treated better. Being dressed properly works — and combine that with confidence and charm, and doors will open.
Another point I want to touch on is that taking care of your appearance involves not just what you wear but also your body. Even if you’re well-groomed and friendly, if you’re overweight, you may be perceived as a slob. Many overweight men hide behind oversized hoodies and shirts, which isn’t dressing well. Losing weight and replacing the oversized items with well-fitting items will avalanche into a feeling of confidence. Feeling good in clothes will enable wearing them with confidence.
As a personal trainer, I would help people lose weight and get fit. They would tell me how strangers would treat them drastically differently, from when they were overweight to when they were fit. They would tell me stories about how service workers would go out of their way to help them once they lost weight, getting welcomed with smiles. This treatment didn’t happen before the weight loss. Also, male clients would tell me that women were friendlier to them (not in a sexual or flirting way, just in general) when they used to be ignored before.
Smiling is also extremely powerful and shouldn’t be overlooked. Disarm people with a confident smile, charm, and a friendly demeanor. You can’t change your height or other features, but you can present the best you that you can… with a smile!
So, yes, men experience pretty privilege – in the form of ‘handsome privilege.’ But handsome doesn’t necessarily mean a man has to be traditionally handsome to be attractive. Combine positive and inviting body language with confidence and style while taking care of your temple to achieve a level of attractiveness that is received well by all.
