Men are facing a loneliness epidemic. In a recent study, 20% of men said they had no close friends. Despite being connected worldwide like never before, men feel more isolated than ever.
80% of suicides are men. The problem is that if they don’t have connections, their mental states erode, making them feel lonelier. Friendships provide an outlet to help solve problems and deal with stress and anxiety. If you need somebody to talk with, use Better Help. Get 10% off your first month of therapy with BetterHelp and get matched with a therapist who will listen and help you.
I’m on a mission to help guys look amazing, and part of that feeling incredible is developing strong personal relationships. I want to discuss this loneliness epidemic, why we got here, and how to escape this rut. Here’s how you can develop longer-lasting and better relationships.
Why are men becoming lonelier?
The way that relationships and friendships are approached needs to be changed. The internet has messed us up in terms of friendships and feeling connected. We’ve gotten into a bad habit of consuming content rather than interacting. Relationships are give and take, and we must communicate to build friendships. You share things about yourself and have a common ground to build a relationship.
- Because of social media, we consume other people’s content, which gives us a hit of dopamine but causes us to lack motivation to go out and earn that dopamine.
- Playing video games online is no substitute for interactions. It’s not building friendships or relationships, and you’re not having shared experiences. People aren’t going out for organized sports like they used to. These team environments are a foundation and why you become friends with certain people. You have shared experiences, hardships, and learning experiences. These things build camaraderie and connection. Church is another place where people can meet others weekly.
- Further, fewer men are getting married and are single more than ever. This prevents us from feeling fulfilled and connected and can make a man feel lonely. However, marriage often includes children, and when your buddy gets married, you see him less and less, leaving you feeling like you’ve lost a friend.
- Another reason men feel lonely is that they’re not working in the office like they did pre-pandemic. Working remotely doesn’t allow you to build those friendships in which people need emotional outlets in their male friendships.
How to connect and make deeper connections
- Take off your headphones. Whether at the gym or coffee shop, if you have headphones on, it automatically shuts other people down. They feel they’re bothering you if they want to speak with you.
- Spend less time on your devices. The more time you spend on your devices, the less connected you feel and become. Get your dopamine from a healthy source.
- Get active. Join a sports team or a meet-up and connect with real people in your area.
- Start saying yes. If you’re serious about being less lonely, you have to stop saying no.
- Find people in your area with similar interests. Find groups you enjoy going to with people who have things in common. Whether it’s a convention or something weird you think you’re the only person into, explore and find people in your area with these interests. These can recur monthly or weekly, so you’ll see these people repeatedly.
- Join intramural sports. If you’re in your 20s, 30s, or 40s and want to be active and engaged, join an intramural team.
- Don’t put off reaching out. Don’t wait for the right invitation. Contact old friends and people you know casually if you’re serious about feeling less lonely. See if they want to get together and hike, get coffee, or grab a bite. Even people you’ve worked with that you think you have something in common could reach out to them and be the conduit pulling everything together.
- Start being more open with your emotions. Be willing to communicate without putting a wall up or being guarded. Don’t prevent yourself from feeling connected and not allowing people to get close to you. Be open and vulnerable so people will connect with you deeper and more quickly.
