Don’t let the good stuff become normal {Re-notice your life!}

The other morning, I walked into my kitchen, made a cup of coffee, and started doing what I normally do—thinking about everything I needed to get done such as emails, meetings, work, problems. I was already mentally three hours into my day before I’d even taken my first sip. Then, for whatever reason, I stopped and looked around.

The house was quiet, the coffee was hot, my cats were nearby, and I was healthy. I had people I loved, I had work that mattered to me, and I suddenly thought: There was a time when parts of this life were things I was hoping, praying, working, and busting my ass to have someday. And now I barely notice them.

I think we all do this. We work incredibly hard to get somewhere, and then once we arrive, we immediately start looking toward the next destination. The house you dreamed about eventually becomes the house. The job you were desperate to get becomes work. The car you couldn’t stop thinking about becomes the thing you drive to the grocery store. The person you once couldn’t wait to see becomes the person sitting across from you while you’re looking at your phone. The healthy body you worked incredibly hard to build becomes the body you stand in front of the mirror criticizing. Somewhere along the way, extraordinary things quietly become ordinary.

There’s actually a psychological term for this: hedonic adaptation. Human beings are incredibly good at adjusting to changes in our circumstances. That’s fantastic when something bad happens because it helps us recover, adapt, and move forward. But there’s another side. We also adjust to the good stuff. The raise feels incredible—until it becomes your salary. The new house is exciting—until you’ve lived there for a while. The accomplishment you thought would make you feel successful becomes another line on your résumé while you’re already chasing the next thing.

The problem isn’t wanting more. I freaking love goals. I love growth, improvement, ambition, and pushing myself. I don’t ever want to stop trying to become better. But there’s a huge difference between wanting more because you’re excited about life and needing more because you’ve stopped seeing the value of what you already have. If we’re not careful, ambition can turn life into a finish line that keeps moving every time we get close.

Think about something in your life that frustrates you occasionally. Your job, for example. Maybe you’re tired, stressed, or dealing with somebody who makes you want to pull your freaking hair out. But remember when you were hoping somebody would give you an opportunity? Remember sending résumés, interviewing, trying to prove yourself, or wondering whether you’d ever make enough money to feel secure? The job may not be perfect—and maybe you should pursue something better—but don’t forget that something you’re complaining about today may once have represented progress.

The same thing happens with our bodies. We look in the mirror and immediately notice the love handles, wrinkles, gray hair, thinning hair, or whatever else isn’t exactly how we’d like it. Meanwhile, your legs carried you out of bed this morning, your arms can hug somebody you love, and your heart is beating. Maybe you can lift weights, ride a bike, walk your dog, hike, play with your kids, or simply move through the world independently. Some people would give almost anything to have the physical ability you’re criticizing because it isn’t perfect.

And then there are the people in our lives. This one might be the most important. Familiarity can make incredibly special people start to feel ordinary — your spouse, parents, kids, friends, the coworker who’s had your back for years, or the buddy who answers the phone every time you call. We assume they’ll be there tomorrow because they’ve been there every other day, but none of us gets unlimited tomorrows. Don’t wait until somebody is gone to suddenly recognize how much of your ordinary life was extraordinary because they were part of it.

What I’m talking about isn’t simply “being grateful.” We’ve heard that phrase so many times that sometimes it goes in one ear and out the other. I mean something more deliberate: RE-NOTICING YOUR LIFE. Pay attention again. Taste the freaking coffee. Notice how excited your dog is when you walk through the door. Put your phone down when somebody you care about is talking. Turn the music up in the car. Look around your house and remember what it felt like when you first got the keys. Allow yourself to experience something familiar as if you haven’t completely gotten used to it yet.

Psychologists sometimes call this savoring—intentionally paying attention to and extending positive experiences instead of letting them disappear unnoticed. And I love that concept because savoring doesn’t require more money, more success, a better body, a bigger house, or a freaking vacation in Italy. It requires attention. Sometimes happiness isn’t hiding in something you haven’t achieved yet. Sometimes it’s sitting right in front of you, disguised as something you’ve experienced a thousand times.

One of the easiest ways to do this is to occasionally ask yourself a ridiculously simple question: “Would I miss this if it were gone?” That Saturday morning when you’re sitting around doing absolutely nothing—would you miss having that freedom? That annoying phone call from your mom or dad—would you give anything to hear their voice again someday? Your kid making noise in the next room? Your kitty following you everywhere? Your commute to a job that provides for your family? Sometimes imagining the absence of something instantly restores our ability to see its value.

And here’s the cool part: when you start noticing the good stuff again, ordinary days get better. You don’t need every weekend to be epic. You don’t need every vacation to be Instagram-worthy. You don’t need a promotion, a new car, a new relationship, or some huge accomplishment every six months to prove your life is moving forward. A workout can be a great part of your day. Dinner with somebody you love can be enough. A ridiculous conversation with a friend that makes you laugh until your stomach hurts can be enough. A sunny afternoon, good music, a great meal, or waking up feeling healthy can be enough. Life doesn’t have to be spectacular to be freaking amazing.

So keep chasing goals, keep building, keep improving, and keep dreaming about whatever is next because I absolutely believe that having something to look forward to is part of what keeps us alive and excited. But every once in a while, turn around and look at how far you’ve already come. Look at the people standing beside you, the things that surround you, and the life you’ve built, because some of the things you barely notice today are exactly what an earlier version of you would have been absolutely freaking thrilled to have.

Don’t let the good stuff become normal. Don’t wait for something to disappear before you recognize how incredible it was. Re-notice your life while you’re living it. Appreciate the body while it can move, the people while they’re here, the opportunities while you have them, and the ordinary moments while they’re happening. Because when it’s all said and done, a great life probably isn’t made up of one incredible thing after another. A great life is made up of thousands of seemingly ordinary moments that we were wise enough to realize were pretty damn special.