Why would you want to be vulnerable and purposely tell someone your weaknesses? That information could potentially put you in a less favorable light, right? Wouldn’t you instead want to be as invulnerable as possible so others don’t see you as weak? Shouldn’t you be viewed consistently as strong, presenting yourself as the most robust version of yourself?
Some men feel that displaying vulnerability is a trap to learn their weaknesses and that there’s no value in sharing vulnerabilities – that the benefit is only to the person you’re revealing your vulnerabilities to — that people will exploit you because you showed your weaknesses.
Humans can’t be completely invulnerable. The human body is relatively fragile, and suppressing emotions rather than dealing with them is unhealthy. We must accept that humans are vulnerable, thus admitting each of us has vulnerabilities rather than denying them. You don’t want your vulnerabilities to control you.
Men who pose as invulnerable are protecting themselves, often through hypervigilance displayed as criticism, judgment, and anxiety. Connecting with others is challenging, with an anxious voice playing it safe. Turning down that voice allows other parts of you to step into the spotlight for others to see. And then, when you see past perceived dangers, trust is developed. The issue is that many men have challenges trusting.
True strength lies in admitting your weaknesses. Shutting yourself off from others because you’re scared to admit weaknesses is cowardly. Besides, viewing the world as black and white (strong or weak) is a dismal perspective. Men are not invulnerable, and people are not scheming to exploit them. Those who love you want to know you – all of you – which includes things that bug you or may not be your best qualities. But, they make you ‘you’ – warts and all.
Let people see your imperfections, but stay true to yourself. Don’t craft an image of vulnerability where your goal is to make people think a certain way about you. Actual vulnerability includes trusting that people will stay even if you show your true self. All of these parts make up who you are—the good, the bad, and the ugly. And all of this comes with time. It’s a slow burn rather than an intense blaze of revelations.
Addressing our vulnerabilities lessens their impact on others, and on the flip side, sharing our strengths can also benefit others. We are all imperfect and can learn from others. We just have to be humble enough to acknowledge that displaying our true selves allows us to give and receive love with compassion.
How do you start to open up and be vulnerable? Start by sharing honest opinions. When authentically vulnerable, you’ve expressed your personality and views without hiding your likes and dislikes. You will gain self-confidence in the process and develop a love-it-or-leave-it attitude.
When you become genuinely vulnerable, you can explore parts of yourself you otherwise wouldn’t have. You’ve also opened the door for them to be open about themselves to you. Trust is a significant component of the vulnerability equation – you both can understand each other better due to this safe space you created.
Vulnerability requires risk. Men often censor themselves to make the truth more palatable. This is not vulnerability. Instead, men need to put themselves in a position where getting hurt is a possibility, whether by asking a potentially ‘dumb’ question, being honest even if it could possibly upset another person, or sharing information that makes you feel uncomfortable but allows someone to know you on a deeper level.
This vulnerability allows others to see your weaknesses, struggles, and feelings past a wall you may have put up to protect yourself. You’re allowing yourself to get hurt potentially, but you trust the other person will not abuse that trust and keep you safe. Being vulnerable is like being naked, and trusting the other person is not going to shame you for what they see.
What would you say in a job interview if asked what your greatest weakness is? If you give a bullshit answer, it seems like self-promotion and not authentic. However, if you reveal a real failure and how you grew from the experience, the answer displays self-confidence, openness to feedback, and a commitment to growth.
This type of thinking also transcends into relationships, where sharing something embarrassing, difficult to discuss, or uncomfortable can strengthen the relationship as you prioritize the relationship over your ego. Trusting someone with your heart is true vulnerability.
At the end of the day, how people feel vulnerable varies. But vulnerability can be expressed through tears, dancing naked, admitting mistakes, allowing someone to love you, and feeling safe enough to discover even more hidden sensitive parts in someone else’s presence. Everyone should have the opportunity to express their vulnerability and to be heard and seen, regardless of gender.
Vulnerability shouldn’t be seen as weak because it’s not. Society only lies and tells us it is. Unfortunately, many in society don’t want men to open up until they’re on a rooftop. They expect men to act as pillars of stoicism because seeing men scared or weak is too uncomfortable. Let’s change that perception immediately.
