Just to be clear, those rubber duckies on Jeeps are stupid. And don’t get me started about stupid bumper stickers. Have you seen those Salt Life stickers on car windows? That’s another one of my personal favorites. Not!
Here’s the deal: today, we will talk about your car’s image, what it means, and how it affects you. Some people make mistakes regarding their car and the quality of it. We discuss your image, including what to wear, how to stand, your grooming, and communication. These things send messages to the outside world about what you are and who you are. Unfortunately, you often don’t get a second chance to make that first impression. Your car is an extension of your image; unfortunately, many people make dreadful and horrible mistakes regarding their car.
You send BAD messages about yourself if you …
- Pimp your vehicle. What you drive says a lot about you, and certain cars send a message about you. Does this mean that if you have a Subaru, you shouldn’t rock it? No, of course, embrace it. Embrace whatever you drive but understand that if you’re driving a little Honda Civic and you have loud ass exhaust that’s ripping and roaring, you look like you look like an asshole.
- Make everybody listen to your music. One of my biggest pet peeves is hearing someone’s music while sitting next to them in my car. You look low-class if you’re driving, and your music is obnoxious and rude.
- Drive like a jerk. Don’t do it whether you are tailgating, speeding, driving too slow, or cutting people off. Drive like a respectable gentleman.
- Have a filthy car. Ensure your vehicle is clean on both the outside and inside. How often have you walked past a car filled with trash and junk? Or it just looks dirty. This sends a message that you’re lazy, sloppy, and don’t care. If you’re on a date and you have McDonald’s wrappers underneath your seats, you look like a little boy. Have respect for yourself and what you’re driving.
- Have a smelly vehicle. If your car smells like ass or overpowering air freshener, it’s off-putting. The way your car smells is similar to the way you smell. Your stinky car could repel people. I use Drift, which I recommend every single one of you grab. My scent is Yacht Club, which smells fantastic. Drift is the equivalent of fragrance for your car. It’s not overpowering or synthetic and is derived from natural botanicals and oils. Use code ALPHA55off
- Don’t wear a seatbelt. Modern cars have annoying dinging, so you can’t avoid this, but you must be safe.
- Drink and drive, and don’t smoke and drive. I can’t count how many times I’ve been walking or jogging down the street and smelled the pungent aroma of a car. It blows my mind.
- Text while driving. It’s scary how many idiots are texting on their phones or not paying attention to where they’re going. Stop texting and driving! It’s one of the most dangerous things that you can do. Put your phone away while you’re driving.
- Adorn your car with bumper stickers. Bumper stickers are super stupid. They don’t look good on your car, and realize that political bumper stickers will alienate about 50% of the people. You should have your opinions and get involved, but wearing them on your sleeve for everybody to see is a mistake. Also, having stupid ducks on your dash or stuffed animals in the back window is ridiculous.
- Park like a jerk. It’s infuriating when you see somebody parked ignorantly.
- Park in a handicap spot. This is even more infuriating!
- Hang bumper nuts. I can’t understand why people hang things from their bumpers, such as bumper nuts.
- Hang things from the rearview mirror—don’t do this. It doesn’t look cute. It’s not cool to have something hanging there, like a necklace. It just looks trashy, making you look good-class and low-budget. It also looks like you have zero clue and are a mess.
- Don’t open the door for the passenger. Be a gentleman and open up the door for your passenger.
- Be a backseat driver. This is one of the most annoying things. If you want to drive, drive. But if I’m driving, I don’t want to be critiqued. I don’t want you freaking out and saying things to me. Like, stop! If I’m driving, shut your mouth.
