It is not your job to fix somebody who has low self-esteem. It’s up to her, and I learned that the hard way. She can be beautiful and sassy but still be a horrible human being. You shouldn’t be with somebody like that, and you should also not be with a cheater. I also found that out the hard way.
As time passes, the relationship gets more complicated and challenging. It also gets more beautiful and amazing when you find someone you’re compatible with. But you must respect each other; without work and communication, it won’t. Here are lessons I learned the hard way.
Lessons I wished I had learned about women sooner
- Don’t date someone with a low self-esteem. When someone has low self-esteem, it will manifest in unhealthy ways. You don’t want to be the collateral damage in their inability to love themselves.
- Kindness is better than pretty. I’m not saying that you should be with somebody who is unattractive. Still, even if someone is super sassy and banging, their moral compass and integrity are more important. If you’re interested in somebody who is using their body or looking for a job or money, be careful because this can be tied to self-esteem. Unfortunately, our society gives pretty people a pass. But remember that appearance is a depreciating asset and will fade.
- Ditch those who are lazy. You should only be with her if she has a good work ethic. A good work ethic benefits your relationship because good relationships take hard work. Both people need to be willing to do the work to be successful. If she’s lazy, she won’t put in the time.
- Run if she’s a cheater. Once you find out she cheated, run the hell away. Don’t accept apologies or let her talk her way back even though it’s painful. You didn’t fail as a man. There’s no amount of love that you can give somebody who’s fundamentally broken like a cheater. Cheating is not preventable, and you need to stand up for yourself.
- You have to be happy with yourself. You will not be happy in a relationship until you’re happy with yourself. Often, people will bounce from relationship to relationship when the issue is themselves not making themselves a priority. Build yourself into the man you want to be first. Get the pieces falling into place, and deal with the baggage you have carried from your childhood or past relationships. Therapy is a gift that you give yourself. You deserve to be happy. Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp therapy and get matched with a therapist who will listen and help.
- She doesn’t allow you to have friends or your own life. Your girlfriend should accept that you have your own life and friends. Being with somebody who understands it’s okay to have friends is critical. You are not supposed to morph into one unit in a relationship or a couple. You should have your own goals, dreams, and friends.
- She has only guy friends, which is a red flag. If guys surround her and she doesn’t have girlfriends, there’s a reason. It’s not normal.
- She has substance abuse issues or is a bad drunk. It won’t get any better, so run away. It’s not your responsibility to save her. Men like to be the hero, but it’s impossible. If someone is not willing to do the work themselves, there’s nothing that you can do.
- She disrespects you. (a) You should not be with her if she puts you down, talks down to you, makes fun of you or fights dirty. These are monstrous red flags, and it will not get any better. (b) She keeps you from your family. A relationship is a bad idea if she tries to keep you from seeing your family, and it’s even worse if she has a bad relationship with her family.
- She tells you who she is. You better listen and not think that you can change them. Also, a relationship is a commitment, and it is not advisable if you have different views on politics, religion, and other topics. Further, you’re not on the same page sexually (not wanting a physical relationship or using sex as a weapon), this is a warning sign to get out. You need to be on the same page.
