In today’s environment, men face many diverse and ever-changing issues. Men’s roles are changing quicker than we can keep up with. However, one of these issues is in the top 10, which I’d like to discuss today. That issue is men, money, and the pressure to be financially ‘successful.’
Sure, you need enough money to pay your bills and live within your means. The pressures make men feel like failures for not living up to society’s expectations. Career jobs are less secure and have fewer benefits, such as pensions. Adding more pressure to men is the tradition of men being the providers for their families. Even if both spouses are working, it is still assumed that the husband will ensure the family is financially okay.
But is being financially successful actually being ‘successful’? Webster defines success as achieving wealth, respect, or fame. I think this definition sucks and is precisely why so many men feel like failures. We feel we haven’t lived up to some arbitrary success standards.
I think it’s time to reevaluate what we’re taught at a young age. At a young age, simply winning made you feel like a success. Think about it — it’s the goal in sports. Once out in the ‘real world,’ young men think success should look like pursuing life, liberty, power, and a ton of money.
When I was younger, every time I analyzed myself and my accomplishments, I felt like a failure because I didn’t have power, fame, or a ton of money. My view of success mirrored what I and others saw in magazines and TV: if you’re successful, you have a lot of cash, and with that cash, you garner a lot of power.
But I came to the realization that I didn’t care about having lots of cash or power. I acknowledged that if I had enough money to be comfortable, that was enough. Money wasn’t my motivator, so why would I tie my feelings of success to it?
This realization rocked my world and totally changed my perception of everything. I truly felt like a thousand-pound weight was lifted off my shoulders, and I felt freed by my new realization. But what did success look like to me now? What did I need to do to feel fulfilled and happy?
- Financial success just meant that I had enough money so that I didn’t need to worry about money.
- Professional success meant that I was doing something that I loved. I was able to touch other people’s lives and make a difference.
- Personal success meant having deep and meaningful relationships with people I love. I let people know how I feel, communicate love, and reciprocate love.
- Emotional success meant that I was in touch with my feelings & emotions and was good with the person I saw looking back at me in the mirror. It’s about having a solid character and confidence.
If I could achieve those four things and then maintain them, that is how I redefined what success meant to me. Every day, when I wake up, I focus on these. I focus on what success means to me.
Take a look at yourself and identify what success means to YOU. The first step is throwing out all the preconceived notions you’ve been bombarded with from your parents, society, social media, television, movies, and everywhere else. Start with a blank, clean slate and determine what success looks like. Does success mean traveling? Time with your loved ones? The arts? Gardening? Philanthropy? Living on the beach? Whatever it is, don’t let anybody dictate what should make you feel happy and fulfilled.
Success is what you envision it to be and what you strive to do. To some, success is having an abundance of wealth & assets and having a well-paying job. For others, success is having a partner that they love and care for, knowing they will be happy with them for a long time. Successes can be smaller, like completing a project at work, and much larger successes, like overcoming addiction. Success differs from person to person, but generally speaking, it’s when you know you’ve met your goals and when you are happy with life.
For most basically able people, success is a combination of working your ass off and being at the right place at the right time. But working your ass off partly means working on the right things. Beyond professionally, your personal life will be more successful when you realize you have time for what you make time for. Take an honest look at how you spend time, and then prioritize your life in a way that makes you happy.
After you figure it out, write it down. Then, when you get up every morning, focus on what will make you feel whole and successful. Once you figure it out, you will feel contentment, self-assurance, and peace fill your life. THIS, MY FRIEND, IS A GIFT.
