Someone told me the other day that his humor is terrible and that he is the only one who laughs when he tries to crack jokes. He said that people have straight-up told him that he is boring and lame. He said that the last time he made someone laugh was about 3 or 4 years ago, which was a situation that he wasn’t trying to be funny, but everyone laughed so hard they were in tears. He doesn’t want to be viewed as boring and wants to make more friends.
First of all, focusing just on making people laugh to make more friends and not be boring is too narrow of a focus. IMO, the best way to be funny and charming in conversations is to improve your character overall by focusing on himself. Here are some variables he should consider – and anyone who wants to improve their character overall.
Accept yourself as you are, and don’t let your past define who you are. If you’re under the assumption that to be funny is to change yourself, this approach is limited. Be yourself and embrace yourself with no shame, which doesn’t mean you’re stagnant and stale. It means you change, evolve, and develop while being comfortable with your flaws. Be open to change while knowing how to be vulnerable to those around you who you care about.
Charm and charisma result from knowing what to know to say; however, knowing what to say doesn’t mean you have to decode the seemingly elusive socializing skill. Knowing what to say results from developing your own character. Put yourself out there by diving into hobbies, interests, traveling, and uncomfortable situations. Getting out of our comfort zone builds character, integrity, and character. All of these will give you stuff to talk about.
Good character comes from focusing on yourself, not what people think about you. You are already better at being yourself than anyone else because they can’t be you. You must learn how to show that. Take note of the quiet man who has spent much time diving deep into his hobbies and interests. You can learn from him – and his body language and what he talks about exhibit the extent he has to offer to the world, making him intriguing and fascinating. Even without monopolizing the conversation, he creates interest in himself, drawing people to him.
Trying to be funny will sound forced and unauthentic. Don’t focus on being funny, as what you are trying to cover up (i.e., being awkward, boring, etc.) will come through. So, being funny shouldn’t be your main priority in a conversation. Instead, connect and dive into interests of your own and the person/people you’re talking with. Losing the urge to be funny will make the funny come out naturally later.
As a guy who always makes jokes and makes people laugh often, I highly advise not overthinking it. If you crack a joke, make it simple and only occasionally. My main recommendation is to relax. Don’t actively TRY to make jokes, as this will make you overthink. And one of the best things you can do is to observe and learn your crowd, as every person has something that makes them laugh. Pay attention to what people around you are laughing about but don’t force humor.
As with everything in life, you have to fail to achieve great success. My jokes sometimes fall on deaf ears, and I am the only one laughing. And that’s okay! Professionals who are consistently funny got that way by bombing on stage over and over and over again. If you want to be funny, get used to the idea of being unfunny for a while as you practice. Do your best to see others’ reactions. Humor is instinctive, and you learn as you grow. “If you explain a joke, it’s not funny anymore” has some truth.
Think about it — Joe Rogan rants about the art of comedy, forging the comedy sword, and how he tries to perfect his craft for twenty minutes a podcast episode. But how many times has he made you laugh on the podcast? And have you seen his standup? He is NOT funny, and yet he is trying so very hard.
If you think you’re boring or unfunny, you will be boring and unfunny. There’s more context to that, but our minds are mighty in manifesting our identity and the reality around us. Try and leave behind the image of yourself that is unfunny or boring and think about the person you want to be – charming and social. Keep stepping outside your comfort zone because that’s where you will true progress.
Keep in mind most people aren’t actually that funny. Ones that relay something that happened in life, what they read, or what they saw. “I saw this funny thing the other day….” Social media is built around getting credit for stealing someone else’s memes or jokes. Take something that works and use it until your own sense of timing is developed.
And as I have talked about before, poke a little fun at yourself. Whether making a joke at your own expense or for being the only one laughing at your own joke, you can get others to laugh. “Oof, I guess that joke was just for me!” or “Ah, whatever. I know the crickets sure liked it.” Remember that you don’t have to nail it; you just have to acknowledge the tension created by a joke that doesn’t hit right and diffuse it by demonstrating self-awareness.
The bottom line is that nothing says you have to be funny. Comedy has a lot of mechanics that are fairly nuanced and subjective. More often than not, people prefer to be around those who are more sincere and empathetic with confidence and authentic charisma than those constantly cracking jokes.
